we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
