Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
