I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
