Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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