Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
