last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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