he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
