We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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