guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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