smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
