wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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