so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
