it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
