How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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