There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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