I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
