We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
