we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
