You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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