New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
