it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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