i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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