My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
false alarm, still single
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
