He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
