That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
