Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
