I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
