All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
