I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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