I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
