Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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