Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
