I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I stole a fireplace last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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