He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
