So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
