her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
