great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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