I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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