I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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