Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
