You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
