I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
