Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
