your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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