umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
