"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
