How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
