do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
