Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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