i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
