Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
