I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
