Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
