I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
